My 30+ Year Journey to Feminism

black and white photo of a women's rights march with protest signs

As a teen coming of age in the 90s, "girl power" was everywhere. Sure, it was hyper-commercialized and played to outdated stereotypes of femininity (yellow bubble flowers on a purply-pink background, anyone?), but it felt like progress. In my teens and early twenties, I thought feminism was outdated. We’d reached equality, and it was time to focus on other causes. Right?

I was raised on the idea that girls could do anything, could be anything. My mother, fiercely strong-minded (although not someone who would identify as a feminist), regularly reminded me that "a woman’s work is never done" and taught me to cook and clean, yet at the same time instilled in me the belief that nothing was out of my reach. I carried that mindset, convinced that gender bias was no longer an issue.

The 90s: The Era of “Equality” for Young Girls

Growing up, I saw plenty of female characters on TV; we know that representation is important. I was in the same classes as the boys, safe in the knowledge that someday I’d be able to vote, attend college and pursue any career I wanted. That looked like equality, and my friends and I bought into it. By the time social media arrived on the scene, bringing its fraught myriad of social grievances, we were already entering the workforce, shaped by our formative assumptions.

But the reality of adulthood rocked our understanding of the world. We discovered that women often earned less for the same work, were promoted less frequently and were underrepresented in the boardroom. We saw that inappropriate sexual advances in the workplace were frequently swept under the rug. 

We learned that we had the lovely choice between two labels: bitch or slut. And we learned how, particularly in some fields or by some business leaders, youth and beauty were prioritized over experience.

A Slow Realization: The Impact of Workplace and Social Pressures

As we climbed our career ladders or opted out for other paths, the double standards became clearer. We were told to have it all: to be successful professionals, devoted mothers and ideal partners. And we lived the impossibility of balancing all of those roles simultaneously. For many of us, career ambitions meant delaying motherhood, and motherhood meant abandoning your professional goals, and guilt seemed inevitable no matter the path you chose.

The women like me, who delayed motherhood to keep working first, faced “geriatric” pregnancies later in life. (I wrote about this once). The ones who chose motherhood earlier instead faced endless barriers to re-entering the workforce, and potentially irreversible suppression to their earning potential.

Women from earlier generations faced more overt sexism. Women younger than myself may be more aware of its subtler forms, having grown up in a world of #metoo. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like my cohort missed the warning signs, convinced we’d transcended inequality.

The Trump Years, Victim Blaming and Unconscious Bias

In our twenties and thirties, we learned the painful truth: being a woman often meant facing biases. If you were a victim of sexual assault or abuse, your credibility would be questioned, your memory scrutinized and your voice doubted. What were you wearing? How much have you had to drink? Sometimes (often?), it was other women who cast the harshest judgments.

Then came 2016, a moment of reckoning. We watched in horror as a large portion of our country, many women, opted for an unqualified, openly misogynistic candidate over a qualified yet largely unlikeable and unfriendly woman, showing us how deeply these biases run. When you’re female, unfriendly is unforgivable; a standard men rarely face.

Then in 2022 came the overturn of Roe v. Wade, and for the first time, I watched as a right was taken away from women. I can honestly say that until that moment, I hadn’t thought it possible. But a stacked Supreme Court made it so. And it reminded me that women didn’t have the right to hold a credit card until 1974; merely a year before my older brother was born. Certainly not long enough ago to feel permanent and unquestionable. 

Now, as I refresh this article for a new publication, we stand on the precipice of possibly electing this same man for a second time (third, if his followers are to be believed). I’m now old enough to watch history repeat itself, and in far more critical arenas than, say, the fact that wide-leg jeans are back in fashion.

A Feminist Realization: Embracing the Term I Once Rejected

The dissonance between what I once believed and what I personally experienced was real. I used to think feminism was unnecessary, a relic of a past era. But over time, I came to realize that simply believing in my own right to achieve, to succeed, to exist and to be heard made me a feminist. And it’s a label I now proudly embrace.

It took almost four full decades, but I’m here. That’s long enough to appreciate the progress we’ve made and yet recognize how far we still have to go.

My young son had a board book called Feminist Baby, and I read it to him often when he was small. I hope he grows up valuing equality, and maybe, just maybe, the next generation won’t need the word “feminism”, because it will be woven into the fabric of our society.


Here’s a link to the original version of this content: https://medium.com/insomnia-diaries/sexism-snuck-up-on-me-b9350c036aba

Stephanie Stocker

I’ve been a writer my whole life, and I’ve been collecting (and researching) antique and vintage items for about a decade. I love history, reading, science and learning, and nothing is more fun than falling down a rabbit hole of research on a topic I know little about (perhaps with a glass of French pinot noir in hand).

I love anything and everything mid-century vintage, and in my own head, I live in an episode of Mad Men. That said, I also love technology, and I use AI (specifically ChatGPT) as my collaboration partner on this blog. It helps me fine or refine ideas, research my pieces, suggest new women to learn about, optimize for search and provide outlines or first drafts to kill the page. (For more on my use of AI, see my note on the About page).

By day, I work in B2B marketing as VP of Marketing and Head of Client Services at Conveyor Marketing Group, where I lead a team of marketing strategists in developing integrated marketing and thought leadership programs for our clients.

https://hystorias.com
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